Turning Pain Into Power & Turning Wounds Into Wisdom

Life is full of defining moments.

Have you ever noticed the moments that create the biggest catalyst for change are usually the traumatic ones?

Would we deeply appreciate life and all it has to offer if not for the losses, the heartbreaks, the endings, and the pain?

What if I told you, that in your pain lies your greatest power…your strength and true purpose? What you were destined for and your reason for being born into this world is in the roadmap of scars that now riddle your soul. If someone would have said this to me during any one of my traumatic moments, I may have punched them in the face or told them to F**k off, BUT…it’s true and they would have been right.

“Sometimes we can only find our true direction when we let the wind of change carry us”

~ Mimi Novic

I have experienced a myriad of events that have kicked me where it hurts, but the one that rattled the cage and pierced my very core was the loss of my first love. Looking back to the time before I met him, I was lost. Plain and simple. I was living a life that every day, I would have to talk myself into. I had a wonderful family, good friends, a stable-ish job that I didn’t loathe (mostly because of the cat at the office) and a roof over my head in an area of town that I loved. Some would say this is the dream.

What I felt was this – My family was a bit too far away for my liking, my friends were starting to move away and the ones that were around me the most were distant in other ways; the job was a job that I had no passion for whatsoever and was literally a pay cheque (I still love the cat though!). The roof over my head was starting to feel like solitary confinement in a mid-level prison. Harsh? Perhaps. I was the victim in my own story. I was disconnected from my self and had been for years. I was stuck in the pattern and mindset that I had not done ‘it’ right – No university, no partner, no white picket fence. I would sometimes joke that I was a trail blazer in my grad class – the last man standing-as in the last person to not have gotten married, had kids or to have had at least one divorce yet. I would often laugh it off and make jokes (my coping mechanism), but deep down, I felt odd, strange, and unwanted.

I remember going on a string of horrible dates in the fall of 2018. I had committed to ‘trying’ as in my head being a hermit was the real reason, I was single. WRONG. I was single because I had and still have work to do within myself and I needed to truly recognize and honour that. You attract what you put out there, and my wounded, lost soul attracted the wounded and lost. They say that you cannot be in a relationship until you figure yourself out first. I think you can be, but whether it is a good and solid relationship is a whole other matter.

When I woke up face down on my bed after having blacked out well before the clock struck midnight on New Year’s 2019…I knew it was going to be an interesting year. I had no idea what was to come…

In my hangover guilt the next day, I had made up my mind to FINALLY do something. I had been toying with the idea of going back to school and had found a program at a local college that seemed good. My job was even willing to entertain the idea of cutting back my hours to keep working so that I could afford my rent. It started to feel good, having a plan. Well… the interview at school was awful. It turned me off going to that school and made me re-think that entire path.

Work was a pile of stress for different reasons and suddenly, I was back at square one. I was also losing hope about the online dating scene, (which being in Vancouver, is painful under normal circumstances it would seem), so was planning on deleting all the apps and just putting it on the shelf for the time being. It’s funny how the universe operates though and looking back…I was in the perfect zone for a divine intervention.

It was a Friday, I was heading out to dinner with a girlfriend shortly to commiserate about life, and I saw a message pop up on my phone. A guy I had matched with on one of the dating sites, had messaged me. Feeling numb to the entire thing, I opened it up and read the generic message. I do not even remember swiping on his profile, but engaged, nonetheless. YOLO, right?

The rest is history. I had fallen into a relationship and could not believe that FINALLY, I was seen. I found ‘my person’. I could not fathom that I could fall so quickly for someone and feel so comfortable so fast. For someone who has always been dubious of these things; I was now a believer. I lived in bliss for a short but significant period.

About a month later, he was gone. He tragically ended his own life. Within this month, I had fallen in love, had my first heart break and my first real loss. The grief was inexplicable. The pain unfathomable. My life as I had known it, was gone. Not only was my very being rattled, but I was no longer the same person and I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the WHOLE experience.

The process that would follow is not for the faint of heart. Anyone who has experienced a form of loss and grief will know. It is a club you don’t want to get invited to, but only when you get the invite, will understand truly what it feels like.

A part of me died the day I found out he passed away. But I kept going. I went to work; I went on a trip that I had booked prior and I just tried to stay afloat. I did this until I could not anymore. Then, I started to move silently. I started to research, and my horizons expanded. I wanted to know what happens to our souls when we die? I wanted to know about me, and I wanted to understand what this had meant for me and my life? Why? There had to be a bigger meaning behind it. I started on the path that I am on now. My purpose had found me through this unimaginable tragedy.

It’s funny because I had wanted real change for so long, but it wasn’t until I was forced off a cliff and shattered that I started to move and in time things began to happen. I started taking tarot classes for myself to rebuild my self-esteem and trust my intuition. I found hobbies and activities outside of work and that led to meeting new people. When I could not be in my living situation any longer, I put my intention out there and within a few months, had found a place that I love. It was a domino effect of change and it kept going even beyond that.

I genuinely believe that 2019 was the precursor I needed to what has been an epic 2020. It allowed for me to find comfort in the uncomfortable and make space for all that was yet to transpire. It doesn’t always get easier, but by continuing to do the work, you can move through the challenges with greater ease and efficiency. These past few years have been the hardest, but also the greatest gift. If not for all that has happened, I wouldn’t be writing this now, for Divine Tandem and working with my amazing friend and business partner Holly.

I have realized that my life is meant to be unique and one of my own making. What I’ve recognized is that my timeline is my own and by living my life to it’s fullest, the rest will fall into place. I am healing in ways that I could have never imagined and am starting to envision all the wonderful possibilities of my future; My career, a partner, a family, travelling the world. My eyes and heart are open!

It is time to live YOUR LIFE. The way you want to and have always imagined.

My mission and purpose is to be the light. By writing this, maybe it will help someone along their journey and lift them up out of the darkness.

I feel so much gratitude to be able to tell my story and share all that I have learned with people every single day. I have been doing this on some level for my whole life, but now I see it is my strength and superpower…my true purpose.

When you stand in your power, you will find a way. It may not make sense to anyone or even you in the moment, but you must trust that it will work out.

“You are here to enable the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold. That is how important you are.” ~ Ekhart Tolle

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Holly & Kate can help you step into your power and find your niche!