Honey, The Red Flags You Need to Stop Ignoring!

Everyone has their own quirks and qualities that make them unique, and someone who is a bit different is not a reason to run for the hills. However, a major red flag is if you find yourself constantly compromising or feeling uncomfortable.

Red flags do not just show up on the dating scene – they can appear anywhere in life at any time.

I am talking about those intuitive nudges, feelings of frustration or even anger that cannot be explained when around certain people – triggered much! They can present themselves in any given situation and quite often for no other reason than a feeling of ‘knowing’. This could be with friends, acquaintances, co-workers, new relationships…ANYONE.

In general, it is fun learning all there is to know about someone who used to be a stranger. Although, sometimes, there will be signs that you should not take things further. Read on!

At first, when we recognize the red flags it is easy to get caught up in the ‘Why me’ of it all. I must admit, I am guilty of it – that victim mindset, where I ask my self ‘Why do I keep attracting the same kind of person?’ ‘Why are these broken people put in my path?’

Even worse, why do we so often blatantly ignore the signs? Especially in the early stages. If we can ask the right questions of the person, recognize the red flags, and then distance ourselves from the get-go, imagine all the pain and suffering we could avoid. It was not until I began to look within and start healing myself, (which as it turns out took moving halfway around the world from Australia to Canada to have my own ‘Ah-ha!’ moment) did I come to understanding and recognizing red flags.

In the beginning, when I made the around the world trek, I thought that moving meant; a fresh start, a new me, and where my past would no longer follow or haunt me. It took a while before I began to realize all the residual sh*t of the past would keep resurfacing until I was willing to learn from my mistakes and heal this issue. Literally, history repeats itself until you learn the lesson.

After having spent the first 12 or so months living overseas and attracting the same type of person dressed in different clothes, with a different accent, I asked myself ‘Why do they seem so familiar?’

This is where the penny dropped. People that you instantly feel comfortable with, may not always be a good thing. This could be the universe trying to shine a light on an area of your life that you need to heal. Yes, they may seem familiar and easy to be around but as you get to know them, and see the same red flags from your past, sound the alarm!

Here are some valuable tips to recognize the Red Flags before you get in too deep!

· Be Rational Not Emotional -

Instead of worrying about whether someone likes or approves of you, analyze how you feel in the situation. We can easily get the ‘feels’ with people that aren’t good for us. If you find yourself excusing their behaviour or actions in the early stages, try to be more rational (logical) and look at the bigger picture. Does this person possess the qualities of someone that you want in your life for the long run?

· Trust Your Gut -

Do you feel used? drained? angry? frustrated? These could all be signs that this person is not in alignment with your highest good. Healthy, mutually beneficial relationships should not make us feel this way. Particularly during the “getting to know you” phase. Your gut will never lie to you, it is the first feeling you get when you ask yourself “Why is this happening?” Whether or not you choose to take that as the true answer or ignore the sign completely is up to you.

· Know Your Boundaries -

No one is perfect, but in both intimate and platonic relationships, they should consist of mutual respect. If you tell someone how you feel, and they dismiss this, brush it off or have no accountability - that is a bad sign. Know your limits of what is acceptable and unacceptable when getting to know someone new. Ask yourself “Was it a misunderstanding or a mistreatment?” Someone who truly respects you will not blur that line or leave you feeling confused - Or Worse…make you feel like it is your fault in general.

· Watch Out for Manipulation -

Not everyone is pure and good! This is real life, and the reality is that there are people out to hurt others. Whether they are using you, abusing you or draining you, these are all bad signs. You cannot fix someone that is broken, nor should you have to. A manipulative person lacks integrity and the ability to see that they are doing this to you. Even worse than dealing with a manipulative person, is a full-blown Narcissist. When dealing with these personalities you need to be aware of what you could be signing up for. To learn more, we recently spoke about dealing with Narcissists on the Divine Tandem Podcast (S02 EP02) you can listen here now!

The good news, no matter what situation you find yourself in. Tomorrow is always a new day, a fresh start. Ask yourself are the differences serious enough to be a red flag or can they be talked about and worked through?

"When people show you their red flags, show them your white flag and peace out"

Open communication is the key to any good relationship and no matter how difficult the conversation may be. Until there is a mutual agreement about how to handle the issue and you SEE action and change, only then, can you begin to move forward. You could also set yourself a time frame to check for whether the agreement can be kept or implement a ‘3 strikes and you’re out’ rule. Be Accountable and expect accountability.

You are Worthy. You are Deserving. You are Enough.

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Holly & Kate can help you step into your power and find your niche!